Take a Break!

Hey you guys,

So just in time for me to have published a post about my deteriorating mental health last week... After this weekend, I feel like a new person. Truly.

So I talked before about how ever since October or so, my mental health has been declining. This has everything to do with the political climate and the fact that people are feuding everywhere and my poor little HSP heart can't take it (which, now that I mention HSP, I realize I still have yet to do a post on it. Or have I? I don't think I have, but I will get to it. Basically, just know that my brain takes in too much information and I am more affected than most people when it comes to emotions, sounds, textures, smells, etc. Basically all of the senses are overwhelmed). Point being, it hurts me to my core to see people being mean to one another or even for me to feel hate in my own heart, and I didn't realize just how much that can affect me until recently.

I was having a rough(er than usual) time in the few days leading up to my birthday, and I really wasn't looking forward to our weekend plans. Turns out I really should have, because they changed everything.

So a few weeks before my birthday we decided that that weekend we would take a mini trip to the coast to celebrate a bunch of things. February 7th-15th is big for us because the 7th is my birthday, the 14th is obviously Valentine's day but it is also the anniversary of the day we officially met and started dating (in 2013), and Patrick proposed to me on the 15th in 2014.

We unplugged from the world and left on Saturday morning. Our destination was Astoria, but first we stopped in Tillamook for lunch and ice cream. I had a grand ol' time learning to suck the ice cream out of the bottom of a waffle cone (because apparently that wasn't a thing I learned to do as a kid), got covered in ice cream, and shouted "Oh no!" many, many times.

When we got to Astoria, we settled into our river-view room and took a nap, and that night we went to dinner at our favorite Japanese place in town. Possibly the most interesting thing about Astoria this time around was that apparently during this time of year the sea lions make themselves right at home on the outcroppings of rock, the docks, and basically anywhere they can haul themselves up to... and then they bark. Forever. And ever. They do not stop barking. Apparently they do not sleep. But for some reason even though one would assume that the barking would drive me insane, I found them to be highly amusing and for the rest of the weekend Patrick and I would "Bork bork bork!!!!!!" to each other.

On Sunday morning we packed up and stopped in Seaside on our way home, where we meandered around the aquarium (taking lots of fish selfies) and fed the seals (a lot, because seals are the best and these ones will either snort or clap at you so that you will throw them fish), then stopped in and had lunch at our favorite place on the boardwalk.

Was the weekend super extravagant and long and filled with crazy adventures? No, but I don't want any of that. This was exactly what I needed; all of my favorite things with my favorite person in my favorite place. I woke up on Monday feeling refreshed and calm and simply happier than I've been in months. Apparently sometimes all you need is to get away for a few days to reset your mind, body, and soul.

Maybe 25 Won't Be So Bad

Hey guys,

So I expect that this post will be a little more somber and less upbeat than usual. I mean, I do usually write my posts when I'm in a good mood. But I've just finished crying (good crying, I promise) and I feel like in order to be true to myself and to this blog (which I'm not sure anyone reads anymore since I've deactivated my Facebook and therefore have a much smaller platform to share my posts on) I need to share the good and the bad. I swear that this post has a happy ending, I really do. I have every intention of posting it along with a very nice Instagram collage if all goes well. 

So anyway, let's start with the bad.

I've posted about anxiety and depression in the past, and when I wrote those posts I felt like I was in a very good place. So many people (I literally mean people I've never spoken more than five words to or even flat out openly hated in the past) came out of the woodwork to share their stories with me and ask me How? How did I get better? How did I fix myself? The answer varied in different conversations, but I the bottom line was always that I truly believe that taking myself out of a toxic environment and finding a partner and a group of friends that loved me and embraced me for me changed the game entirely. 

But sometimes the environment can change, and things can get worse again. Sometimes the toxic environment can follow you. Sometimes that toxic environment can swallow up the entire country and make things bad again. 

And it has. 

Since about October I've been feeling more and more down (although as a small bonus, my anxiety has taken a back seat to my depression, which is a common thing I've learned can happen in people who experience both illnesses). I deactivated my Facebook. I cut off communication with a lot of people I couldn't stomach anymore. I've tried to fill my days with kittens and rainbows and things that make me happy. 

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I am definitely getting better. I've done a lot of crying today, thanks to having seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the first time (those happy tears I was talking about). But in general, since hitting an extreme low about three weeks ago, I have been doing everything in my power that I'm willing to do (and by that I mean all of the easy stuff and none of that "cardio" my doctor keeps talking about... I'm not sorry) to lift my mood, and it has definitely been working. I'm keeping a chart. I've changed a bit of my diet. I'm keeping up communication with the friends and family that love me and support me. I picked up a couple of new hobbies that I'm working on.

As a result of how I've been feeling lately (which, let's be clear, is because my feelings are easily hurt and the fighting/hatred going on in the country lately is really making me very sad), I've really not been looking forward to my birthday. 

I turned 25 today. I say today because I haven't gone to sleep yet, therefore it is still my birthday. But if you want to get all technical, my birthday ended just over two hours ago. My point is, and the entire point of this post is, I really haven't been looking forward to turning 25. Turning a quarter of a century old is supposed to be one of the "big birthdays,", but it was even less than "just another birthday" to me. Every year my birthday comes with a little bit of dread. I dislike being the center of attention and that just comes with a day dedicated to you, you know? But this year, as the days crept up to my birthday, I just felt numb toward it... And then it got to be February 6th, the day that I was going to celebrate my birthday because Patrick had the day off of work (until the weekend when we head off to Astoria, Tillamook, and Seaside), and I started off the day with a bang. 

Because within maybe a half an hour of waking up, I was sobbing. 

I think it was a combination of things that set me off. First of all, the general feeling of the weight of the world (you guys know that feeling) was really killing me that morning. Then, it was the neighbors below us that have been making us miserable with their stomping since the day they moved in. I had also just woken up from what was apparently too much sleep (?????????), and therefore I was a little off balance. I was out of my good cereal and the cereal I thought would be "just fine" tasted like literal sawdust (pro tip: Don't buy the Kashi GoLean cereal if you care about yourself). I was experiencing an HS flare up after months of peace with a nice, red, angry cyst smack dab at the bottom of my widow's peak which made my entire face extremely painful (and unsightly). A lot of little things were piling up on my heart and in my mind that morning

So midway through my bowl of literal sawdust, I burst into tears. 

After lots of hugs, an English muffin with "so much butter" (as I requested it from my chef *cough* I mean my loving, doting husband), opening my surprise secondary gift from Patrick (because we purchased my official birthday gift together about a month ago), and curling up on the couch to watch Space Jam, I was feeling much better. I rejected my original idea of going to paint pottery at Color Me Mine that afternoon and just opted to go to Benihana later in the evening, both ideas which I initially threw out that morning because I didn't think I could cover my forehead with any type of makeup with as much pain as I was in.

So February 6th, although it got much better in the evening, started off really, really rough. And though it got better in the afternoon/evening, I thought that there was no way in the world that my actual birthday could be even remotely decent. 

And you beautiful people all proved me wrong. My friends. My family. My loved ones who, just when I think I know what to expect from them, continue to surprise me at every turn. And now I'm crying again, but they're still happy tears, I promise. They're tears for you all. 

I'm not the only one who has a lot of stuff going on lately. Every single one of my friends and family members is going through something rather serious right now, whether it be medical, financial, of emotional. Some of them are being hit with more than one. Or even all three. 

With the way I've been feeling, I don't know how thoughtful I've been towards others lately. But regardless of what they've been going through, all of my loved ones came through yesterday and today. You wrote me things. You sent me flowers. You sent me little gifts that made you think of me. You, without even being prompted by Facebook because, as I've said, I'm no longer on there, still wished me a happy birthday. My grandmother even, in her typical nutty spirit, answered the phone when I called her back after a nap and in the middle of buying her bingo tickets sang me happy birthday. 

I've been so frickin tickled and touched all day by all of the little and big things that the people I love the very most in the world did for me. Maybe it's because I'm over emotional anyway (and still raw from a good movie cry), but man am I just feeling the love. 

So yes, I'll continue to struggle with my mood in the future. I'll have good days. And I'll have really bad days. But on those days, I'll remember today, with the happy birthdays and the gifts and the I love yous. I'll eat an English muffin with so much butter. I'll watch Space Jam. And I'll remember that my 25th year of life kicked off pretty damn well.

Birthday Trip 2016!

Hey guys! As some of you probably know, Patrick took me to Disneyland for my 24th birthday this year and both of us got some great photos that I wanted to share with you all, as well as a little about the weekend itself (even if this post is super belated)!

Normally in February southern California isn't particularly warm-- in fact, we thought that my birthday weekend would be a great time to go to Disneyland because the parks are usually dead during the cold, rainy winter. However, apparently we booked our trip for the hottest weekend of the winter. It was in the low to mid 80's the entire time we were there, which brought the people out and also made us both grumpy (to those of you who said we'd hate the cold, rainy Portland weather-- HA. WE LOVE IT. THE WARM IS TERRIBLE GIVE ME THE COLD AND WET), but we still really enjoyed the trip!

We flew in on Friday morning and went straight to the parks to wander around for a bit. By 1pm we were both tired, cranky, and really hot, so we headed to the hotel for an early check-in, a shower, and a nap. For dinner we went to my favorite restaurant in Anaheim (outside of Disneyland)-- Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.! We even got to see our favorite waiter, Gabe, who unexpectedly picked up a shift for someone else!

We were super excited to see that the 60th Anniversary decorations are still up! I really hope that they keep the shiny castle shingles :)

It's A Small World

Where we got engaged! I don't think I'll ever be able to eat there again because nothing can top that day

 

On Saturday we expected the park to be moderately busy because of the weather... But not nearly as busy as it was (apparently there was some sort of Annual Passholder Event). I was already struggling to wake up and no amount of caffeine in the world was helping, so a busy park probably would have given me a panic attack. We rode the shuttle bus into the park, saw how long the lines for bag check were, and decided to stay put on the bus so that it could drop us right back off at the parking lot. Instead, we ended up going to San Clemente to walk the beach trails a bit, then we stopped at the Mission Viejo mall to wander around, and finally we stopped at In-N-Out for lunch before heading back to the hotel so that I could nap and try to get my energy level up. Saturday was a bit of a bust, since I woke up with a strange fever and felt miserable for hours (which may have been related to my inability to "wake up"), but we did go out to a nice dinner at McCormick & Schmick's after I was feeling better!

Our view from North Beach in San Clemente

It was gorgeous! We spent most of the time watching the surfers.

Our delicious lunch. I've been craving In-N-Out for months and insisted on it when we went down for this trip.

Animal style everything.

Before dinner

On Sunday we got a lazy start to the day. I woke up to two birthday cards from Patrick and a card from our cats, then we got ready and spent most of the day in the parks! We ended up leaving midday to go back to the hotel so that we could check in for our flights and get ready for dinner because jeans and a t shirt won't cut it for Carthay Circle! We had a fabulous dinner at Carthay out on the second floor patio, which we had mostly to ourselves during our entire meal! Afterwards we wandered around a bit and found our darling friends Lena and Victoria who we haven't seen since we moved.

I have to say that the best part about the trip for me is how much I missed Oregon. Did you read that correctly? You sure did. Being there reinforced how much I love Oregon and how much I truly disliked living in California. I know that it seems to be a dream of a lot of people to move there but it was definitely not a good fit for me. I like nice people and decent drivers and decently priced gas (or, well, decently priced everything) and weather that changes-- that is not what you get in California! Oregon, I love you!

I can't wear the regular Mickey head earrings because they're made of metal that I'm allergic to so I finally gave in got a pair of the more expensive ones for my birthday.

We happened to be in DCA at just the right time so we got to watch the Pixar Parade!

Patrick and I went on a wild goose chase to find this damn BB-8 sipper but I have to admit, it is pretty cute.

Our view from our table at Carthay!

My button, dress, and nails all glowed in the black light on the Monster's Inc. ride! 

Lena and Victoria! We were so excited to see them!

Before the night ended we waited to watch World of Color but it was cancelled due to high winds, so instead we ran to The Little Mermaid ride and ended the night on that note :)

I think that the most exciting thing about being 24 is that for the last year (being 23), I was the same age as my Babcia (great-grandmother), whose birthday is on leap year so she has only had 23 "real" birthdays. For the next 20 days I will be older than her, then we will be the same age again for just under a year because she has another "real" birthday this year, and then I will be older than her for the rest of my life! It's amusing to me, at least!

I have to say that overall I had an incredible birthday, spending it with the man I love and taking full advantage of "birthday rules". Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday!

Birthday Weekend & General Life Update!

"Pardon me while I burst 
A decade ago, I never thought I would be. 
A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me."

- Incubus, "Pardon Me"

Hey everyone! I had a FANTASTIC birthday weekend and I thought I would share it with all of you! I know I've posted quite a few "issue" related posts lately (more article-like than blog posts), so I thought you all could use a life update!

Patrick didn't have to travel for work for all of January and is just now going on his first business trip of the year to Austin Texas, so we've been able to spend a lot of time together! He really needed to get out of the house, though. I kid you not, he rearranged his office four times and the living room five times. He gets stir crazy after a while of strictly working from home!

Friday was February 6th, the day before my birthday, and I got to have a really great birthday dinner! Last month, I told Patrick that I wanted to "have a birthday dinner with our close friends at a sushi place" and let him run with the idea. He began inviting our friends to go out with us... until we found out that our chosen restaurant would be closed for the month of my birthday! Boo! He had already began inviting people and because we ended up having to switch restaurants, the guest list had to be cut off where it was (we had actually over-invited guests!). Even though I wish everyone had been able to come, especially the ones we got to invite, some people ended up not being able to make it so we did end up fitting in the space we reserved, which was a relief but definitely a bummer because it meant people weren't able to make it.

Regardless, I ended up having an AMAZING birthday dinner! We reserved two tatami rooms with the divider between them removed at a Japanese restaurant in San Carlos called Kaigan Sushi, where we've eaten several times before, but it was my first time in a tatami room!

For those who don't know (because I sure didn't until I moved here), a tatami room can be many different things depending on what context you're using it in, but in our case it was a small room with a raised floor and a step to get into. You take off your shoes and place them below the step, and then walk up into the room and sit at a sunken table. I could try my hand at describing it, which would likely turn out really poorly, or I could show you this nice image, courtesy of Google.

Example of our tatami room, courtesy of Google Images.

As you can see, the table is sunken in and the seating is one long, continuous bench around the table. Though our seats did not have chair bases, we did have some nice chair cushions to sit on! Our tables were smaller than the one in the image, though. 

Patrick and I headed out several hours early to account for traffic, and even though we had had an entire week of clear, beautiful weather, it started raining on Friday morning and really hasn't stopped much since, and now it's Sunday! We overshot the traffic a little bit, so to kill time Patrick and I did a little bit of various shopping (specifically searching for one item-- I'll explain later), and he ended up with a new coat and I got a new pair of Captain America PJ pants! Yay Target! 

When it got closer to the reservation time and we finally got to San Carlos and found parking, we trudged through the rain and eventually got to sit down to dinner. We all ordered various dishes, and I had an appetizer of shrimp tempura and gomae (steamed spinach in a sesame sauce) and then a chicken teriyaki bento box, which included grilled chicken in a teriyaki sauce, a small salad with a sweet, creamy dressing, sticky rice, California rolls, fried dumplings, and miso soup. I'm a little picky, so I gave away my fried dumplings and I only ate the crab out of my California rolls (is that disrespectful? I think it is but it was my birthday so I think I get a pass), but everything else was DELICIOUS!

For dessert, we had my traditional assorted variety birthday cheesecake (my slice was chocolate cheesecake with chocolate drizzle and chocolate chips-- YUM). It just wouldn't be my birthday without an assorted variety cheesecake!

*Fun fact, I was talking to my mother on Saturday and she told me about a random craving for cheesecake that she had. She ended up purchasing an assorted variety cheesecake and eating only one slice, which was the same exact type that I did-- not even knowing that that was what I'd eaten 18 hours before. How's that for ESP? 

After dinner was over, some people decided to head home while the rest of us headed over to our favorite Hawaiian restaurant down the street, Noelani's! They have the BEST french fries (I don't even normally like french fries!) and drinks for those who like alcohol (I still can't get a taste for it) and so we sat outside on their heated patio by a nice fire while it rained all around us. It was so cozy and beautiful!

On Saturday, the actual day of my birthday, we had a Rocky show to do! However, Patrick had to leave for Texas on Sunday morning, so we worked it out with our friend Delfino that we would drive to his house, he would drive us to the show, then we would drop Patrick off at the airport directly from the show, then we would drive back to Delfino's house, and then I would drive home from there. I ended up going to bed at 5:30am, but it as worth it to have been able to go to the show!

Our show this weekend was one of our special theme shows, so instead of the normal characters, each character dressed up as a different cartoon character! We had examples like Tina and Louise Belcher (Bob's Burgers), Scar (Lion King), Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit), and a set of Minions (Despicable Me)! The show was fantastic and the most fun I've had at a show since probably October. I'm so proud to be a part of such an awesome cast!

And now for the part we've all been waiting for... PRESENTS! I had a bunch of fantastic, thoughtful presents this year, but there are some that I really want to give mention to!

On Friday, Patrick gave me my early birthday present of...

An Instax Mini Instant Camera! 

Do you know how hard it is to find film for this thing in stores (which is what we were searching for before dinner on Friday)? I'll tell you: It's next to impossible! We didn't find ANY! It's going to have to come from Amazon!

(Most of) The gang's all here! Thank you all so much for coming out to my birthday dinner, it meant so much to me! 

:) I love this guy!

On Friday I also got a random, unexpected package in the mail! It was...

A pair of Bluetooth headphones from my dad! 

My dad and I have always been able to connect through music and it was so cool that he sent me these. They're so awesome! I've been wanting a pair since Patrick got himself a pair for Christmas, and out of the blue I get a pair on my doorstep from my dad! He didn't even know I wanted them!

On Saturday, my actual birthday, I woke up and Patrick was gone. When he got back, he had me open my already wrapped presents, and I got... 

A new water bottle (and two extra ice sticks)! 

This might seem silly, but I was so stoked about this water bottle! I'm really picky about stuff, so when I find something I like, I usually try to stock up (and if you follow me on Twitter you know my struggle of trying to find a good pair of slippers... And how when I found a good replacement pair for my ones that are tearing, I bought five pairs...). During my trip to Michigan in December, I kind of "adopted" one of my grandparents' water bottles and ended up taking it home with me because I loved it so much, and it has been attached to my hand ever since! I never go anywhere without it, but I wanted a backup for when I need to wash it so I don't have to go without a water bottle. Lucky for me, even though the original bottle was probably 5+ years old, the same company still makes the same exact bottle, so Patrick ordered another one for me! I'm probably irrationally excited about my water bottle. I know I'm a crazy person. It's okay. He also ordered an extra two pack of ice sticks (since I lost the one to my original bottle) so now I have a nice rotation of three sticks so I can always have a nice cold drink :)

Then Patrick pulled a box out of his pocket. Apparently he had been out shopping that morning for a last minute gift. He bought me...

A diamond tennis bracelet!

We had just gotten an advertisement book from Kay Jewelers the other day in the mail and I had dog-eared a couple of bracelets that I really liked, and Patrick wanted me to have something shiny for my birthday, so he went out that morning and purchased the tennis bracelet I picked out. It is beautiful and I was blown away. I never expected it!

However, when I mentioned that I was worried that he would think I didn't like it because I wouldn't wear it just anywhere (I would be too afraid I would lose it, and I definitely wouldn't wear it to Wal Mart with my yoga pants and hoodie!), he took me back to the mall...

And got me the second bracelet that I had dog-eared in the advertisement! I think maybe Patrick has started taking crazy pills, but I'm not complaining!

I, of course, got several other awesome gifts, including flowers, balloons, and books, all from people I love very much! I had an amazing birthday! Thank you so much to everyone who was a part of it! You all sure know how to make a girl feel special :)