Let's Talk About Love

So several posts ago, I wrote about being an HSP and how I'd been attending a support group every week to help me manage my sensitivity, which has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I also mentioned that I found the group on Meetup, and a part of it being a Meetup group is that new people are constantly joining. I would say that I'm one of about five regular attendees, and the rest have either been to a meeting before but don't attend regularly, or they're brand new. By now the routine of the group has changed (we've gone from weekly to monthly), but the core group remains.

It is truly very fascinating to see some of the new people who show up sometimes. Some are HSP, some aren't but they identify with some sort of social sensitivity, and some just show up to "check out the networking". One night, we had one of those "networking" type people show up, and while I was very overwhelmed by a lot of the information they provided, one thing they brought up really stuck with me:

They asked what love looks like to us.

It was a rhetorical question, meant to make us think and answer the question for ourselves, and that is exactly what it did.

I was very pensive the rest of the group, on the way home, and after I got home as well. I'd truly never thought about it before. I can obviously recognize love, but if someone were to ask me the best way to show me that they love me, I wouldn't have been able to answer them.

What does love look like to me?

I thought about all of the people who I feel love me the most-- which is to say, the people who make me feel the most loved, not that they truly love me more than all others.

I started with Patrick, and I thought about all of the moments where I feel most loved by him. For example, that morning I woke up from a terrible nightmare in which he died. I yelled myself awake, immediately went to find him, and he comforted me. I tried to go back to sleep afterward but I was still anxious, so I went out to find him again. This time he got up from what he was doing for work, spent as much time as was needed to make sure I felt safe and comforted, and then made sure that I was calm enough to get some more sleep by coming into our bedroom and checking the window shades, the blankets, and just overall making sure my space was comfortable. He didn't view me as an inconvenience for taking him away from his work or being emotionally needy. He saw that I needed something and provided it for me by going above and beyond, while at the same time never making me feel like I was being over the top, whiny, childish, etc.

When I woke up eventually (much later than I intended, but hey, nightmares don't really respect your timelines), I came out into the living room to find three gifts that he'd taken the time to wrap up (with Christmas paper, bless him). Why? He had ordered an add-on item from Amazon (which cannot be ordered by itself) and instead of ordering something for himself, he decided to go through my lists to see if there was anything I needed. So I woke up to a pair of gel moisturizing socks (which are INCREDIBLE), a boiled egg slicer, and a package of cable ties.

But why did he buy me things instead of something for himself? Because I'd been cleaning and organizing because we had a house guest, and he had seen how stressed out I'd been. It was a sweet gesture by itself, but then he went above and beyond to make the day feel like a mini-Christmas by wrapping up the items.

After I came home from group, I showered and kept thinking about what it means to me to be loved, and I thought about one of the most powerful things that anyone has ever said to me: "You're a priority." 

I know that to some people that seems obvious, or small, or insignificant, but to me to be a priority to someone is an honor. To me, it means that I add something so valuable to their life that they rate me higher than most things.

But what does all of that mean? Well, let's simplify it. Society deems "useful" people as people who can perform a task or a service. A lawyer is useful for their knowledge of the law. An architect is useful for their ability to plan out and create buildings. But I don't feel that I have any of those special skills. My skill is with the people I love, and as a result of being HSP I'm better than the average bear at dealing with people, comforting them, etc. However, most people don't view that as a real "skill", they just view it as being a good friend.

So to me, to be valued just as I am, with not a whole lot to bring to the table other than love and friendship, to be appreciated anyway is what makes me feel the most loved.