A (belated) Monterey Valentine's Day!

In our most recent adventure, Patrick and I headed to Monterey!

Patrick had a business trip that lasted from February 8th, which is the day after my birthday, through February 14th, which is a holiday for everyone but is also extra special for me and Patrick. Two years ago on February 14th, Patrick landed in Michigan and we met in person for the first time. We consider this our anniversary!

The day we met, we went out to a fantastic dinner at the Westland Char House, which is sadly closed at this point.

For our first anniversary, we spent the day in Disneyland! The day after, on February 15th, Patrick proposed to me at Princess Breakfast in Ariel's Grotto in front of Ariel!

As you can see, February is a big month for us, and for him to have had to spend even any time focusing on work or away for work during those days was a bummer! Thankfully, we were able to get away for a couple of days to a place I've never been before-- Monterey!

We left on Sunday morning and drove home on Monday night, and we both had a blast! It was a really relaxing mini-vacation and it was great to be able to get away and spend some quality time together. Little did we know, the 2015 PGA Tour was in Pebble Beach this weekend, which made the tourism pretty heavy, and on top of that we completely forgot that President's Day is a thing and that a few random people get the day off, so it was a little busy EVERYWHERE!

On our first day, we hit up Cannery Row and the various shops there. Later, we headed to dinner at Whaling Station Steakhouse. Unfortunately, I was sick for this entire trip, so I joked with Patrick that my dinner "had a really great texture!" but in all reality, I couldn't taste any of it. Thankfully, I took leftovers back to the hotel and I was able to snack on them the next day when I could taste things, and even heated up they were delicious.

The beach view from Cannery Row

The next day was the one we were most excited for. We went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium! Patrick bought season passes for both of us, since it saves you money if you go just twice (which we're sure we can do!) and it supports a fantastic organization that really does great things for the environment.

One of the many beautiful pieces of art in the aquarium, many of which, like this one, are made of plastic materials to demonstrate how well plastic holds up and won't degrade in the environment.

First stop, the jellies! The jellies were the best part of the aquarium in our opinion. They had so many different varieties, and the way the exhibit was set up was fantastic. If we had had the time, I would have stayed there the entire day just sitting on the ground and staring them. They're so soothing to look at-- like a beautiful lava lamp created by nature. It is definitely the type of place that I could forget the time in.
Want to watch the Jelly-Cam? Click here!

These three jellyfish were knotted together-- I wonder if they ever untied themselves!

Each of the varieties of jellies were so unique and beautiful. Some didn't even look like jellies! Some seemed to have an electric current running down their "spines" (more like the white bits of a peeled orange, still squishy but definitely different from the rest of it), some looked like giant pillows, and some were so tiny that it felt like you could put them in your pocket and carry them home.

Next on our tour were the octopuses! There is an exhibit called Tentacles, and as interesting as they may be, they freaked me out a little bit. Honestly, I'm shocked that I didn't spend the trip in a constant state of panic, since the ocean (and really any body of water, even the giant tanks) terrifies me, but it was all just so fascinating that I couldn't help but find myself in awe.

Please don't flash the octopus.

We also saw tons of other various sea life, including otters, cuttlefish, tiger sharks, penguins, and a sea turtle! The otters were adorable. I nicknamed them "sea kitties" and decided that they all needed hugs. They were so funny showing off for the crowd by swimming in circles and playing with their toys. They really are just big babies that love attention!

Sea kitty! He's swimming laps, belly-up!

Playing with its toys!

The bubble aquarium! This is where the sea turtle was kept, among many other creatures. The sea turtle likes to ride the waves of bubbles!

I have no idea what this is, but it looks cool.

There were areas in the aquarium where you could exit and go outside to look at their pools and see the ocean.

The "Finding Nemo" tank, as we like to call it. We saw Nemo fish, Dory fish, Bubbles fish, and even Gill fish!

Seahorse!

We don't have very many good pictures of the penguins because we got there right at feeding time and we got pretty bad seats, but what we got to see was awesome!

A whole school of fish! It was so neat to see them travel like this.

The only shark that I found acceptable because it looked like it was smiling. 

I just love birds, especially this one. I love seagulls and pigeons. 

Mid-way through our visit, we stopped for lunch at the restaurant that they have in-house, and we got a table overlooking the bay. It even came with binoculars so you could look at everything that was going on. We saw tons of people standing up on surf boards and paddling around with a paddle, people in kayaks, seals, and sea otters!

Our view from our table at the restaurant!

At the end of our visit, we made our way to one of the bigger touch pools. Earlier in the day I'd touched a sea cucumber and two different starfish, but the really big exhibit had stingrays. They're actually not harmful to humans, especially since the aquarium clips their spikes so they can't poke or scratch you. Then, you just pull up your sleeve, put your arm in the water, and wait for one to swim under your hand so you can stroke it. So cool! I'm really surprised that I was brave enough to do it!

One of the starfish that I got to poke

!!!!!

The aquarium was fantastic, and I really recommend going (just not on President's day, which is a school holiday and therefore apparently the perfect day for every child in California to go to the aquarium). The pictures and my description do it no justice!

After we started to get tired of the crowds and had visited every possible exhibit, we did a bit of souvenir shopping and decided we were done with the aquarium for the day.

How could you not want this adorable pink penguin? And then how could you not take a selfie with it? I really try to abstain from buying stuffed animals since they take up so much room ad have very little use (especially for an adult) but I could not resist. It called to me. From three different stores.

We then made our way over to a wine tasting bar that was recommended to us by our upstairs neighbor (which, if you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that we have stopped resenting due to the noise and actually become friends with), who is in Monterey most weekends because his family runs wineries up there! I, of course, abstained from the wine and enjoyed my ice water (from my new water bottle that I got for my birthday!) but I did enjoy some of the fruit, nuts, and cheeses that Patrick got with his cheese platter-- even a cheese with lavender and espresso, how weird is that? We sat at a small table overlooking the bay and we saw a total of FIVE seals just laying on rocks and sun bathing! It started out with only one seal, and it was really amusing to watch the rest of them flop up on the rocks to nap in the sun. There was even a disagreement between the original seal and another one who wanted to share the rock he was resting on. They ended up sharing, but the original seal was not happy!

Our view from our seats at the wine bar!

❤

Can you spot them? There are four seals and a seagull in this picture!

Patrick was happy!

After the wine bar, Patrick and I headed back to the hotel so that I could nap (vacationing while sick is exhausting) and later we headed out to one of my absolute favorite restaurants, Bubba Gump's!

Man, that sure is a nice red jacket

My favorite is coconut shrimp. What's yours?

Patrick is the sole reason that adult bibs became a thing, and no one can convince me otherwise.

Though we had initially planned on staying another night and heading home in the morning, Patrick and I were by no means tired at 9:30pm, so we decided to skip the night at the hotel and opt for driving for a few hours so we could have a night at home, something that Patrick has very few chances to enjoy this month due to travel. We're really happy that we decided to get a head start on things so that we could relax on Tuesday and not have to worry about doing a bunch of rushing around to get everything ready for when he leaves on Wednesday.

Overall this is one of the best trips we've taken, even though I was sick! Everything was so relaxing and calm and nothing was set in stone, so we had no obligations and we did everything at a leisurely pace. I can't wait to go back, and since it's not even half as far away as Disneyland, I have a feeling we'll be able to take quite a few day trips up there in the future!

May/December Relationships: Our Choice, Family Relationships, & Public Scrutiny

Hi everyone!

This post is part two of my two-part series about May/December relationships, which is what my relationship with Patrick is defined as. To recap, a May/December relationship is one where the age gap between the two parties is quite significant. "May" refers to the younger of the two, who is in the "spring" of their life, and "December" refers to the older one, being that they are in the "winter" of their life. My last post was about how Patrick and I met. This post will cover the following topics: what made us decide that this was the right choice for us, how our families and friends took the information, and how our day-to-day lives go and the scrutiny we sometimes face.

Shall we begin?


1. What made us decide that this was the right choice for us

For me and Patrick, there was never a choice of any kind. We knew that our relationship would face scrutiny and backlash from a great number of people, but above all else, it was something that we were willing to face together so that we could be just that: together.

There are a number of things that make our relationship work. First of all, his daughter is a grown woman. She is exactly 360 days younger than I am, and she does not need raising by any means. In fact, for the most part, she is on her own and fully supports herself. Our outcome would be very different if she had been even a year younger or older than she is in comparison to me: had she been younger, she probably would have needed more emotional support from her father and he would have needed to play a much bigger role in her life, which could have put a strain on my relationship with him. On the flipside, had she been older, she would have been my age, and no one wants their dad to marry someone who is younger than them, even if only by a few days.

Secondly, Patrick did not jump into a relationship lightly, especially not one as fragile as ours would be. He had convinced himself that he would never marry again, and to find someone that he was willing to marry and start over with was a complete shock to him. It was a chance that he did not pass up but also weighed very carefully in the grand scheme of things. Similarly, I spent a long time considering what the outcome of our relationship would be. I knew that I would be in a relationship with a man who was very close in age to my own parents, I knew that we would face challenges because of our age difference, and I knew taking our relationship to the next level meant leaving behind everyone and everything that I knew and loved to move to a strange state with strange people. But for both of us, it meant the chance of a lifetime to be with the person that we feel complete with. We both made a very calculated decision and decided that the pros far outweighed the cons, and to be together was the most important thing to either of us.


2. How our families and friends took the information

Let us first start with Patrick's family. Other than his daughter, his sister and her husband, and his two nieces, Patrick has no other close family members. I am extremely lucky that Patrick's daughter is an open minded person, and I can never thank her enough for the grace that she has exhibited in regards to our relationship. I know if I put myself in her shoes, I would not take it well, and her acceptance of us, as well as her friendship towards me, is more than I could have ever dreamed of. In addition, having seen Patrick so unhappy through much of his life because of his past relationships (and then because of his being alone), Patrick's sister and nieces were all extremely gracious about our relationship, only wanting him to be happy. His sister, Renee, is an absolute joy, and although I have yet to meet the four of them (who live two states away), we talk frequently and care for each other very much. Other than Patrick's biological family, he has his "Rocky Family" (our fellow cast members with The Bawdy Caste) and with as much as I post about them, it is clear that I love them and they love me in return!

My family was a different story. I don't want to point fingers or blame anyone because much of my family does read my blog and all of the rough edges have finally been smoothed out, but I will say that one side of the family took the information much more easily than the other side. I am happy to report they all now accept my life is my life, I will always do what I want to do regardless of popular opinion. They accept and care for Patrick and I and are very supportive of our relationship now that they know that it wasn't a whimsical romance destined for failure. The relationship between me and my father was already rocky for other reasons, and so his initial negative reaction to my relationship with Patrick caused me to cut off all contact with him for over a year. However, had I made any attempt to contact him or had allowed him any contact with me, I would have found that he had quickly gotten over it and wanted only for me to be happy. The good news is that we have repaired our relationship and he is probably more happy for me about my marriage than anyone else I know.

Many of my friends were much more reluctant to accept my relationship, however this was more due to the fact that I would be moving out of state and out of their daily lives. My two best girl friends, Erin and Kerry, had differing opinions at first. Erin was very skeptical because of my past relationships but has come around very nicely and her only negative opinion is that she misses me very much, however Kerry was supportive from the very beginning and is still one of only three people who has met Patrick in person. Kerry is like our personal cheer leading team!

It is safe to say that neither Patrick nor I lost any friends or family members due to our relationship, however it could have gone either way and we are very, very fortunate. I credit this mostly to the fact that Patrick has very few family members and that my family has always seemed to accept (at least eventually) that I never do what I'm told and I have no problem with cutting personal ties if it means it will get me where I need to be, which, thankfully, I haven't had to do! I'm so lucky to have family and friends who realize that their relationship with me is not worth losing, and for this I am grateful.


3. How our day-to-day lives go and the scrutiny we sometimes face

As far as relationships go, Patrick and I are a very "normal" couple. We do basic couple things: we go out on adventures to new towns, go on vacations, watch shows or films, go out to dinner or eat in at home, hang out with friends, host dinner parties or game nights: you name it.  In fact, we both forget that there is an age difference a majority of the time. He and I are very similar in our personality maturity level: I am very mature for my age (I mean, really, who else besides a 40 year old house wife would get excited about cleaning the house or buying a new pair of slippers?) and he is like a younger man trapped in an older man's body. We meet in the middle, probably somewhere around age 30-35, and we work extraordinarily well together. I'm usually the one who is logical, whereas he is much more whimsical, which is just one example of how we balance each other out.

Now that we are married, I actually get a lot more "personal" questions about our relationship/marriage, which I am always willing to answer as long as they aren't "assumption" questions (such as how much money he makes, as though the only way a younger woman could possibly want to be with an older man is because he has money, which is untrue, especially in our case. Trust me, I have gotten similar questions, and they are offensive and ridiculous). I understand curiosity, however this is still my private life and I don't always appreciate the invasive questioning.

What really gets my goat is when he and I are out somewhere and someone makes a casual comment about me being his daughter. I get really heated about it even though I know it is an ignorant comment, and I politely correct these people and tell them that he is my husband because I know that it will embarrass them to know they've made such an offensive mistake. The way I prevent these types of comments is usually to make sure we are holding hands or walking close together or touching in some way, something that would not point to a "father-daughter" relationship. If we're going out for more than a trip to the store (i.e. anything that will keep us out of the house and in the same space for a longer period of time or anything that requires us to have social interaction with someone, such as a server or a store associate), I always do my makeup. I have always had a very young face and I will probably still be carded into my late twenties/early thirties, and the right makeup can make Patrick and I look more evenly matched (or is it less mismatched?). Either way, my makeup is like my safety net, and even after two years of being together, I find it hard to break this habit and stop caring about what people think.

There has only been one instance where someone has outright been rude to me about our relationship, and it was more that I was moving across the country to be with Patrick. Right before I left Michigan for California, a customer at Family Video and I got onto the topic of my last day at work coming up very soon, and we got into a conversation about why I was leaving. I was very open and honest with her, and she attacked me with her words, calling me stupid and telling me in many words that it would never work out and giving her reasons why she knew it would be a failure and a mistake. She later called the store to apologize, however I do still have a friend who works at the store who updates that customer about how famously my life with my new husband is going every chance she gets, and that is better than any apology I'll ever receive :)


Bonus material: 
4. The hardest thing about being in a May/December relationship

I would have to say that the hardest thing about being in a May/December relationship is the way people just assume things. For some reason unbeknownst to me, people cannot fathom a world where a man and a woman love one another regardless of their age difference. After all, age really is just a number-- I know people older than Patrick who don't even deserve to be allowed to purchase alcohol or drive a vehicle.

There are some added assumptions about our relationship because we met online, so here are some of the things that people assume about us:

1. They met on a dating website.

No, we did not. We met on Tumblr, which is a blogging website. Some people may meet on dating websites or other ways via the internet, and that is fine, but to assume it about a May/December relationship is to imply that we were looking for an age-gap relationship, which brings me to my next "assumption."
* To read about how we met, please refer to my previous post, "May/December Relationships: How Patrick & I Met"


2. Because they met online, I bet they were looking for an age-gap relationship.

No-- actually, we were just as shocked about our relationship as everyone else was. Additionally, neither of us was looking for a romantic relationship and ours was strictly platonic at first; we were just friends, but even in the beginning the attraction was there.

3. Because of their age gap AND the fact that they met online, I bet they met on a Sugar Baby/ Sugar Daddy website!

NO. Neither Patrick nor I has ever been to a site like those, nor is our relationship like that. We have a regular, basic relationship. He makes dinner, I do the laundry, we force our cat to cuddle with us. I do not have an "allowance" for buying myself lavish things with his money in exchange for my companionship. I am not showered with gifts in exchange for affection. Both of us are in this for the long haul as husband and wife, for better or for worse.

4. I bet (s)he tricked him/her by being vague about their ages/ relationships/ families.

No, we were very open with one another from the very beginning.



I have also found that the age difference is quite sexist. Allow me to explain:

Scenario 1:
A young woman you know has recently entered a new relationship, which she decides to tell you over lunch. What are your first questions about her significant other? They will most likely go in this order: What is his name? What does he do? How old is he? etc. 

Now let's compare that with another scenario.

Scenario 2:
A young man you know has recently entered a new relationship, which he decides to tell you over lunch. What are your first questions about his significant other? They will most likely go in this order: What is her name? What does she look like? Where did you meet? etc. Notice that age is not a question at first.

This is not true for all cases, but the root of the issue is this: People care more about the age of the woman in a relationship is than they do about the man (assuming a heterosexual relationship). It does not matter if the woman is older than him or younger than him. The woman is older? There can be speculation about her sexual intentions. The woman is younger? She is a gold digger. The man is older? Sometimes there can be speculation about his sexual intentions, but that is more from the female's friends and family; the man's friends will high five him (I cannot tell you the number of times a male Patrick's age has taken him aside and asked him "Where can I get one of those?!"). The man is younger? Again, high five because he scored with an older woman. Do you see where I am going here? Both the older and younger person in the relationship have an equally hard time with outside opinions, however in either situation the male usually has an easier time of it.
*I am in a heterosexual relationship and therefore I cannot speak for homosexual May/December relationships.


Those are really all of the points that I can think of, and I think I have covered all of my intended topics pretty clearly! Again, if any of you have any questions, please feel free to private message me on Facebook. I hope that this post and its sister post were helpful and educational for those who were curious about our relationship, and I hope that moving forward the world will start to be more open minded in all relationship aspects, including May/December relationships. :)

Why We Eloped: The Decision Making Process

Patrick and I eloped in late October of this year, as I shared in my previous post. I hope you'll all read this post thoroughly before making any judgments or remarks regarding what he and I know was the right decision for us and what will result in a long and happy life together.

Let me be clear and start out by saying that I am not pregnant. This is not the reason that we eloped and postponed our "big wedding." I am including this only because I have had at least two people ask me this question and I would like to get the presumptuous curiosity and speculation out of the way. If you would please read on, you will see the story and reasoning that lead up to our decisions. 

When Patrick and I got engaged in February, I was so excited to start planning the wedding of my dreams that would end with my marrying the love of my life. We began to make phone calls, reserve vendors, and invite people to be a part of our special day.

By March or April, we had almost everything planned out and ready for the big day. Everything was in order and only needed execution. We had reserved and paid for the venue in full, we had our wedding parties set up, our invitations designed by our dear friend, and I had been in contact with a caterer in Livonia which I had had high hopes in.

When I went back to Michigan in June, I got to work on getting my bridesmaids their dresses, I toured our venue, and I got 90% of our decorations completed. At this point, I was still as excited as ever.

Then, the trouble started. It seemed that I could not get a hold of our caterer. After trying for over two months, I ended up needing to find another one and start from scratch, and it seemed that relations between my family members were dwindling due to a very messy divorce in the family. Patrick and I started feeling skeptical, like our wedding day would end up being made about people other than ourselves, and I started to stress out to the point where I was starting to have anxiety-induced physical symptoms. We would sometimes joke about wanting to elope, because no normal person needs to go through so much stress!

When Patrick travels, I normally do not go with him, as very few people could afford plane tickets that often, but when he is able to drive to his work I am able to, and I do, go with him. Most of October was a lot of drive-to travel, and when he got the assignment to go to Las Vegas for a business convention, we decided I would go with him since I had never been.

While we were planning our trip, we joked often about how we should elope while we were in Vegas, but we were determined to have our wedding in Michigan on May 9, 2015. However, when we arrived there, we started to seriously discuss getting married in Vegas. We looked at several different venues and, once we had decided that we were absolutely going to get married there, we discussed the terms of our wedding and who we would tell and what we would do about our May wedding in Michigan.

Our final verdict was that we would get married in a small ceremony by ourselves, accompanied by Patrick's boss and his training partner as witnesses, and tell no one about the ceremony. The decision in this was that we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not including them in our special day, but we felt a sort of impending doom that was cast over our May wedding because of all of the snags and bumps we had encountered at that point. We wanted to take the pressure off of ourselves and do something private, because we both agreed that while a wedding is a celebration of two people coming together as one, a marriage is for the two people who have agreed to share their lives together. Once our May wedding was over, which we still planned on having, no one would ever need to have known that we had already gotten married in Vegas because they would have witnessed our wedding in Michigan and seen us get married on that day. Our marriage in Vegas would be a private, intimate moment shared between my husband and I, and no one ever needed to know.

Patrick and I were determined to keep this ceremony to ourselves, but as you are clearly finding out about it now, things did not go as planned.

Without sharing intimate details of my family situation, let me just say that something happened that would ultimately prevent all of my family from being in the same place at once, something that I would not accept for my wedding day. Because these issues would absolutely not have been resolved within the 5-6 months that we had left before the wedding, and I would not have had a big wedding without either of the people involved in the situation, Patrick and I had a long discussion between ourselves and a couple of my family members who are close to the situation, all of whom agreed that it would be in our best interest to postpone our May wedding in order to let the dust settle and hopefully, in the future, have an amicable wedding day that everyone could enjoy.

Because no one knows when that day may be, we did decide that it would be in our best interests to tell our loved ones about our special day in Vegas, as we did not want to pretend to live as an unmarried couple for an undetermined amount of time, instead of just the 5-6 months that we had initially planned.

While I know some of my loved ones are hurt by my decision, I do hope that they respect that this was the best decision for my husband and I, and that we are both extremely happy. Of course I wish that things could have gone as planned and our wedding in May did not have to be postponed, however that is not the case, and, as I said before, I believe that a marriage is between two people and a wedding is a celebration of that with loved ones. We are still determined to have the wedding of my dreams in the future. However, we do not know when that may be and therefore our wedding is postponed until further notice, as the situation may even take up to several years to be resolved, though we would hope that it would not take that long.

Patrick and I know that you will be happy for the two of us and wish us the best, as we are incredibly happy and know that some day we will be able to have the wedding we both hoped for.

We've Eloped!

Yes, you've read that right: Patrick and I eloped!

While on a business trip in October, Patrick and I decided to take the pressure off of ourselves and our upcoming May wedding, which we still planned on having, and get married at The Luxor Chapel in Las Vegas!

After a couple of days of deliberation, and then a day of shopping, we tied the knot in a small ceremony on October 28th, 2014.

The happiest day of my life

October 28, 2014

Las Vegas, NV

For several unrelated reasons, the original planned wedding, which was scheduled for May 9, 2015, is postponed. It is for this reason that we have decided to share our happy news with everyone.

To keep the tone of this post upbeat, please stay tuned for my next post which will explain our reasons for getting married before our "big wedding" and the reasons why that wedding is postponed until further notice.

Thank you in advance for your love and support in our decision!