Friday, January 2, 2015

Why We Eloped: The Decision Making Process

Patrick and I eloped in late October of this year, as I shared in my previous post. I hope you'll all read this post thoroughly before making any judgments or remarks regarding what he and I know was the right decision for us and what will result in a long and happy life together.

Let me be clear and start out by saying that I am not pregnant. This is not the reason that we eloped and postponed our "big wedding." I am including this only because I have had at least two people ask me this question and I would like to get the presumptuous curiosity and speculation out of the way. If you would please read on, you will see the story and reasoning that lead up to our decisions. 

When Patrick and I got engaged in February, I was so excited to start planning the wedding of my dreams that would end with my marrying the love of my life. We began to make phone calls, reserve vendors, and invite people to be a part of our special day.

By March or April, we had almost everything planned out and ready for the big day. Everything was in order and only needed execution. We had reserved and paid for the venue in full, we had our wedding parties set up, our invitations designed by our dear friend, and I had been in contact with a caterer in Livonia which I had had high hopes in.

When I went back to Michigan in June, I got to work on getting my bridesmaids their dresses, I toured our venue, and I got 90% of our decorations completed. At this point, I was still as excited as ever.

Then, the trouble started. It seemed that I could not get a hold of our caterer. After trying for over two months, I ended up needing to find another one and start from scratch, and it seemed that relations between my family members were dwindling due to a very messy divorce in the family. Patrick and I started feeling skeptical, like our wedding day would end up being made about people other than ourselves, and I started to stress out to the point where I was starting to have anxiety-induced physical symptoms. We would sometimes joke about wanting to elope, because no normal person needs to go through so much stress!

When Patrick travels, I normally do not go with him, as very few people could afford plane tickets that often, but when he is able to drive to his work I am able to, and I do, go with him. Most of October was a lot of drive-to travel, and when he got the assignment to go to Las Vegas for a business convention, we decided I would go with him since I had never been.

While we were planning our trip, we joked often about how we should elope while we were in Vegas, but we were determined to have our wedding in Michigan on May 9, 2015. However, when we arrived there, we started to seriously discuss getting married in Vegas. We looked at several different venues and, once we had decided that we were absolutely going to get married there, we discussed the terms of our wedding and who we would tell and what we would do about our May wedding in Michigan.

Our final verdict was that we would get married in a small ceremony by ourselves, accompanied by Patrick's boss and his training partner as witnesses, and tell no one about the ceremony. The decision in this was that we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not including them in our special day, but we felt a sort of impending doom that was cast over our May wedding because of all of the snags and bumps we had encountered at that point. We wanted to take the pressure off of ourselves and do something private, because we both agreed that while a wedding is a celebration of two people coming together as one, a marriage is for the two people who have agreed to share their lives together. Once our May wedding was over, which we still planned on having, no one would ever need to have known that we had already gotten married in Vegas because they would have witnessed our wedding in Michigan and seen us get married on that day. Our marriage in Vegas would be a private, intimate moment shared between my husband and I, and no one ever needed to know.

Patrick and I were determined to keep this ceremony to ourselves, but as you are clearly finding out about it now, things did not go as planned.

Without sharing intimate details of my family situation, let me just say that something happened that would ultimately prevent all of my family from being in the same place at once, something that I would not accept for my wedding day. Because these issues would absolutely not have been resolved within the 5-6 months that we had left before the wedding, and I would not have had a big wedding without either of the people involved in the situation, Patrick and I had a long discussion between ourselves and a couple of my family members who are close to the situation, all of whom agreed that it would be in our best interest to postpone our May wedding in order to let the dust settle and hopefully, in the future, have an amicable wedding day that everyone could enjoy.

Because no one knows when that day may be, we did decide that it would be in our best interests to tell our loved ones about our special day in Vegas, as we did not want to pretend to live as an unmarried couple for an undetermined amount of time, instead of just the 5-6 months that we had initially planned.

While I know some of my loved ones are hurt by my decision, I do hope that they respect that this was the best decision for my husband and I, and that we are both extremely happy. Of course I wish that things could have gone as planned and our wedding in May did not have to be postponed, however that is not the case, and, as I said before, I believe that a marriage is between two people and a wedding is a celebration of that with loved ones. We are still determined to have the wedding of my dreams in the future. However, we do not know when that may be and therefore our wedding is postponed until further notice, as the situation may even take up to several years to be resolved, though we would hope that it would not take that long.

Patrick and I know that you will be happy for the two of us and wish us the best, as we are incredibly happy and know that some day we will be able to have the wedding we both hoped for.

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